Growing up is never easy. It’s not meant to be simple. From a developmental perspective, here is where we grow resilience as well as our identity, self-assurance, and sense of purpose in life.
Participation medals don’t help kids develop positive self-images. One does not establish a strong, developed character by doing the children’s tasks for them so they may sleep in or take care of their own bodily, emotional, or spiritual needs. The only thing that prepares individuals to lean into life and their relationships in the middle of a storm without giving up on others is hardship, yes, struggle.
According to Malcolm Gladwell, most of what is most beautiful in the world comes through suffering.
According to Albert Bandura, to achieve, humans must have self-efficacy and be resilient to face life’s injustices and difficulties.
Why then do parents make sure that their children never experience any kind of struggle? Why do we want our kids to be flimsy, frail, and underdeveloped?
We need to start considering adversity as a gift—and a valuable one at that. Our Millennials should depart whenever they are no longer in need of assistance and when there is no outside conflict preventing them from moving forward and being independent. Here are a few indicators:
They are not struggling when they spend more time on the couch than we do.
They are not struggling if they are not actively creating and carrying out a strategy for their studies or jobs.
They are not struggling if they spend most of the day napping but have a jam-packed social schedule in the evening.
When they have lots of money for manicures, and fancy dinners with friends, but not enough for rent or the phone bill but they have plenty of money for manicures, dinners out with friends, new clothes, and other luxuries, they are not struggling.
We should be developing from the moment we are born till the moment we pass away. We were made to develop. Whether we are 5 years old or 50 years old, we should all be moving, learning, stretching, and mending in some form. But many Millennials nowadays put more emphasis on having fun than on growing. When they are not actively developing, they lose their vitality, their inventiveness, and the very curiosity that would pique their interest in something that may end up becoming their calling in life.
We do not experience purpose as an external ray of light. Only from inside can we cultivate purpose.
Home should not turn into a place where stagnation thrives. Our adult children should be able to grow up in a fertile environment at home. It’s time to let them go if we don’t see them aggressively expanding. Most likely, they will endure, conquer, develop purpose, and thrive in a new setting with all of its difficulties and obstacles.
Abraham Maslow, an American psychologist, said that we always have the choice to either go toward progress or retreat into safety.
The question then becomes whether parents are more concerned about their kids needing them than about their thriving. Do their efforts on behalf of their kids and their ability to meet all of their demands help them feel like good parents? Do parents feel remorse that they don’t provide their kids with the lifestyle they deserve since they’ve been successful in life? Are they worried that if they don’t give their kids what they need, they won’t learn anything?